You know for a long time when I was morbidly obese I had tried almost EVERY diet known to man. When none of them worked I began to slowly "accept" that this was just how my life was going to be. I was going to be morbidly obese for the rest of my life...not able to wear cute clothes, a bikini or not feel completely out of breath while walking to my car. I had been defeated...and I was so sad about that! I could not and would not accept who I was at that time.
Well one day I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired! I got some help and began to realize my own self-worth! It was not what was on the outside that was causing me all of my sadness and pain, it was how I felt on the inside that was doing it. Remember way back when I mentioned self-hatred? Well, that is what it was all along...my self-hatred had taken over any good feelings that I had about myself. I was desperate and wanted to make a change, because I just couldn't go on living the way that I was living. It took a lot of work for me to look on the inside for my happiness, because I always wanted to associate my happiness by the way I looked on the outside.
I had to let go of a lot of past hurts and old ideas in order for feelings of self-love to come in. I had to realize where I was and continue to realize where I am TODAY, and that I can not wish myself a certain size or weight, and that I have to WORK for it! And I LOVE working for it and working hard for it, because just how my obesity was of my own doing, so is my quest to be super healthy! It makes it all worth it. The fun and pain of getting to where I am today is the one of the best parts of all of this.
Once I let go of my fears and started to accept and love the person that I am today, things changed. Everyone will get there in their own time and the sad part is that some people may never get there at all. It took 30 years of living that way before I was willing to make those changes...but I'm here now, and I can't wait to see what what other things will happen for me.
Where we once treated ourselves with sugar and fat we can now treat ourselves with fun workouts, cute clothes and a generally feeling of wellness!
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